Hooray!
Finally uploading the site after the loooongest time! I can't believe I did it.
Even though I decided to learn HTML over a year ago, I didn’t really have the time to dive into it until I finished my thesis. What a journey that was!
I’m currently working on two (maybe three?) other sections for the site. I’m not sure how long it will take, but for now, I have this cute microblogging section to make it easier to upload content more often!
So much work! (๑ó⌓ò๑)
These past days have been incredibly busy! I’m getting ready for my graduation, which has basically meant running errands non-stop for the past couple of weeks. But I can’t really complain—I’ve also had plenty of free time for my hobbies.
Yesterday, I finally finished reading *The Well of Loneliness*! I had been putting it off for the longest time—the page count was a bit intimidating, haha—but it turned out to be great and surprisingly easy to read! I just wonder whether Radclyffe Hall actually believed in all the sexologist nonsense that was popular at the time and included in the book, and if so, to what extent. I know the novel has a lot of autobiographical elements, but I’m not very familiar with her as a person...
That said, it’s always nice to read about gender non-conforming lesbian women—representation in media is still so rare. I remember being sooo excited when I first read Stone Butch Blues!
I also got to play more of TLOZ: Echoes of Wisdom; I just defeated the Jabu’s dungeon boss. I’m absolutely in love with the art style! I think I’ll try "Link's Awakening" when I'll be done with this.
Tonight, I’m planning to start Lost Records: Bloom and Rage —I’m soooo excited! I’ve been waiting for it since 2023, and since I ditched social media, I’m completely spoiler-free. I’m also starting a new book: The File on H. by Ismail Kadare.
Thrifting!
II went to the barber to get a fresh fade before my graduation ceremony, along with running a few other errands. It feels surreal—graduating next week? It feels like just yesterday I started my bachelor’s degree. However! I still managed to go thrift shopping and found some interesting stuff!
CDs:
Books:
I’ve been wanting to read this for the longest time! I first came across her work through her TED Talk "The Danger of a Single Story" and later read "We Should All Be Feminists".
I have to be honest, I first heard about this book on BookTok two years ago. It intrigued me, but I know it could potentially be pretentious and cringeworthy. Still, I think I’ll read this next after finishing "The File on H."
I loooove Renée Vivien, I think she's greatly underrated as a writer. Shad a tumultuous relationship with Natalie Clifford Barney, who was a major inspiration for her work. She was her muse, so to speak. This small essay focuses on lesbianism and related topics, so I’m really interested in her perspective.
I also finally started Lost Records: Bloom and Rage!I really appreciate Dontnod’s attention to interior design—they’ve improved so much since Life is Strange! The game is set in the ‘90s, and even though I grew up in the early 2000s, it gives me such nostalgia for that era’s design. The camera feature is adorable! I could easily spend hours editing clips if it weren’t for the fact that I’m playing with my girlfriend—and maybe spending an hour finding the perfect shot isn’t exactly the vibe...
The game itself is very slow-paced, which makes sense given that it’s split into two parts instead of five (like Life is Strange). This actually benefits character development, especially if you take the time to explore side quests and dialogues. That said, it can feel a bit too slow at times. Because of this—and since I’m playing with my girlfriend, plus Part Two doesn’t drop until April—I’m taking my time with it. I’m also almost done with TLOZ: Echoes of Wisdom—I think I have about two hours left. As I mentioned in my last microblog entry, it’s been really fun! After this, I might play something on my PSVita or 3DS, or maybe go back to BOTW (which I, uh... never finished—oops!).
Speaking of unfinished games, yesterday I watched this video and it was so interesing, especially for someone like me who struggles to go back playing games that I dropped. So that inspired me to pick up some games I dropped when university got too intensespecifically Kingdom Come: Deliverance and Diablo IV. I’m going to try using a gaming journal and engaging with positive content about these games to get back into them. Now that I’ve got my screen time under control, I think it’ll be easier (currently averaging 5 hours per week on my phone and 1.5 hours per day on Chrome).
Have you ever had one of those months...
In which you feel like you lived 3 lives in 30 days? These last 30 days felt like that. I finally graduated! yippee! My girlfriend gifted me a button maker, an instax evo and a gun machine massage for the gym, I'm so lucky to have her. I’m currently working on my cover letter for my master degree, and reviewing my portfolio, while looking for a part time job because I basically don’t have anything to do for the next 6 months. I tried to take two weeks off, though, because I really needed some defatigue time for myself. I was exhausted; last midterm, because of graduation and everything, drained me. Truth to be told I didn’t really rest because I had a lot of previously accumulated errands to run. And my social life as well has been… non-existential in the last three months.
First Kadare book I've ever read, it was nice but a bit underwhelming? I did appreciate the subtle critic aimed at Hoxha and the Sigurimi, but apart from that it felt a bit shallow. I don't know if it's because of the translation or if I have a problem with how he writes in general, I'll give another book of his a shot in the future just to be sure. While looking for information about Kadare’s translations I stumbled upon a paper on Albanian writers, orientalism and how it permeates the country narration. Needless to say it’s on my tbr list.
oh my god I can't even put to words how bad it is. The prose feels obnoxious, the dialogues feels so disgenuine and overall it was so pretentious. Look, it was 150 pages long but it felt like 300. It's a shame, it had great potential, exploring the parasocial relationship of fans with their idol but the plot sort of lost itself midway and after that it feels like reading a rapid turn of events that has no meaning whatsoever. I didn't DNFed it just because it was quite short, but I was tempted multiple times.
This was a pleasant surprise. I was in a bookstore, just looking around when I saw it. It's a memoir of Saif, a pakistani gay guy who grew up between two cultures; the pakistani one and the european one. And what it meant being homosexual and an immigrant in a foreigner country, the multiple challenges he had to face. The prose was great, it was an easy read but nonetheless a good one. As a second generation kid I can relate to many things he described. Sometimes it hit too close to home, but in a good way if it makes sense? However, highly recomended
I love books about everyday's life in communist Albania, since that's my heritage and a part of my history. I grew up hearing stories about it from my mom, how the sigurimi terrorized everyone. Three other great books about it are "Rot wie eine Braut" (Red like a Bride), "Crossing" and "The country where no one ever dies". Next read is going to be "Free" by Lea Ypi, I read so many good things about it.
I love Vorpsi writing style, as I said one of my favourite books about Albania’s Hoxhaist era is “The country where no one ever dies”, this one has basically the same focus, the writing is still sharp and evocative, but I didn’t enjoy as much as the other book and I think it’s because I’m not a huge fan of short story collections, but it was still a great read and can’t wait to read more of her.
I’m sort of lying because I dnf’d this book halfway through it, which is something I rarely do. However, this book had no redeemable quality. I was excited when I picked it up, because I knew that it was one of the first lesbian books published in France, and it was censored due to the sex scenes, speaking of which… This book is basically porn, there’s literally no other way to describe it. It reminded me of when I watched “Antiporno” by Sion Sono and my opinion is almost the same: obnoxious and pretentious medias that are seen as groundbreaking and iconoclasts just for the provocative content. Okay, truth to be told, I do think Leduc’s writing is nice and it can convey powerful images, however due to how poetical her writing is it ends up being redudant after a while. Especially the dialogues, most of the time they felt unrealistic and they made me roll my eyes.
I also read three book essays, one was about the rising phenomenon of fascism youth in Italy, another on how decolonization our mentality is fundamental for antiracism, and the last one was an essay about Pensées d'une amazone (the book I bought and I talked about in the preview entry... It was actually an essay about it and not the book itself, oopsie!)
I was also able to finish Lost Records Tape 1 I was playing with my girlfriend and I'm... I don't know. I love the character exploration, the choices and the impact they had (although it was on small things mostly). The game design is crazy, but everything else was a bit... shallow? I didn't like the tape's pace, I don't like the whole "flashforward-flashback" dynamic, even though it sort of makes sense theme wise, and the plot itself seems very underdeveloped because of that. But! There's another tape coming out in April, so I'll hold my judging until then. Next game we picked up as a "co-op" play with my girlfriend is Resident Evil remake. We started it yesterday and... I hate being a hater but I don't get why they kept the stupid inventory limit in the remake as well. "It teaches you a lesson about not picking up everything you see" I read on Steam and... no? It's just poor game design. Still, I love the atmosphere and I'm glad they kept the og camera viewpoint even though it wasn't necesary but it's a nice touch. We're playing as Jill in this run!
Speaking of games: I still have to finish Echoes of Wisdom last two or three dungeons but this week I started and completed Spiderman: Miles Morales. Funnily enough, it was the first game I got with my PS5 back in 2021 and it took me 4 years to play it. I sort of quitted gaming during my bachelor degree, with rare exceptions. I beat Cyberpunk 2077 and Fire Emblem: Three Hopes in 2022, Yes Your Grace in 2023 and that’s it basically. The only games I played on rotation were: EA FC, Call of Duty, Crusader Kings III and Stardew Valley. So, even if it's a really easily game to beat, I was so glad I was able to. It was really fun, honestly, I loved the combat system a lot and had fun going stealth mode during missions; it reminded me of when I was obsessed with Dishnored back in 2014. My fastest speedrun was 5-6hrs if I'm not wrong, it was one of my favourite game on the xbox360. And, again, I still have to play Dishonored II! I think it's going to be my next game on Playstation, even though I still want to finish my run on Kingdom Come Deliverance. Also, I recently bough a steamdeck: I had some spare money and since I wanted it for the longest time, I thought it was a nice present to make to myself for my graduation. I got it for 300 bucks, it’s the 1tb version (not the oled one unfortunately). First game I played on it has been Paper, Please. Another game that I bought an eternity ago, I think during 2020 winter’s sales, and never had the chance to play it. I still need to get all the endings but I beat it 2-3 three times already. Right now I’m playing Mafia, the 2020 version, and I’m having the time of my life. Even though it’s not perfectly compatible with the steam deck so far I only stumbled upon a couple of bugs only a couple of times. I’m in love with the 30s setting, It’s such a shame that the city is not explorable outside of missions and free roaming mode, which is nice! But, and that’s my fault for not engaging with contents about the game before starting it, I thought Mafia had a GTAesque open world system. I don’t know ehere I got this impression, was it maybe from some old gameplay I watched as a kid? I can’t remember.
Anyway, I'm happy I'm finally able to enjoy gaming again. It may sounds silly and it feels weird to type it, but I feel like it I'm finally finding a balance. Now I need to go back hitting the gym, I've been on a break for two months because of my thesis, and (hopefully) starting master's classes and my part time. It's a bit scary because I'm afraid of going back to my old habits, stacanovism being one, but I do know I have the tools to fight them back. I don't see everything as a competition anymore; I still track my habits but if I don't reach my set goals that's okay, I still want to do as much as possible but I accepted that super strict time management can become harmful. Same goes for hobbies or interests, it may sound stupid but this video helped me a lot with it. I used to be very frustrated when I couldn't find enough time for everything I loved doing but what Odysseas says in the video is true. Spending some time on one activity means not spending time on another one. Which I agree it sounds... Incredibly stupid the way I put it, but for people who have a tendency on being overachievers it can led to being blocked but your own indecision.
So now I know that if I'm practising my kurmanji vocabulary I might not having time for that small podcast I added on my watch later list on youtube and while writing this maybe I won't have time today to read that substack piece I added on pocket. But it's fine, it's okay. I tended to be so focused on what I couldn't do that I end up freezing in my own indecision, while also not recognizing the goal I've reached.
I finish by saying I can't wait on working more on this site, it's been extremely fun so far and I want to learn java script more! I already used it for the microblogging iFrame but I still have to get the gist of it.
Until then, see you around!
